Piranha 3DD

Cast: Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff, Matt Bush, David Koechner, Katrina Bowden and Jean-Luc Bilodeau

Director: John Gulager

Piranha 3DD is a film that cons you into believing that it’s a successor to 2010’s Piranha 3D. While the earlier version was a raunchy, boob-n-blood soak fest; it was trashy fun to say the least. This Piranha film may have double the D’s but it’s in reality a vegan version of the otherwise kinky film franchise.

A young student (Danielle Panbaker) comes home to spend her summer break with her step-father (David Koechner). Her father has plans to revive his dead wife’s unfulfilled dream of running a water park. However, he adds an explicit twist to the theme park. He hires professional strippers as lifeguards and installs cameras in the pool area to record all the action that goes on underneath. Although, the real twist happens when the slimy little Piranha fish enter the territory and colour the shiny blue water with a dash of red.

The storyline meanders on almost the same lines as the earlier version of Piranha.  However, this time the little marauders have evolved. They can break their way through aluminium steel plates or thick glass. So, the moment they get sucked into the exhaust area of the pool, they wreak havoc on the oblivious crowd.

Piranha 3DD miserably fails to arouse any kind of interest. The actors seem straight out of a B-grade pet film project and director seems to have no clue of where his film is going. Wonder what the writing duo of Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton got paid for.

Even the 3D fails to up the ante. At first, the ugly CGI fish jumping into your face does get you a little excited but the repeated gesture just makes you slump in your seat and yawn till your jaw’s open as big as the piranha’s.

The only glint of light in this dark tunnel of boredom is David Hasselhoff. This Baywatch star mocks his own character; with man boobs who can’t even run in slow-mo as he’s growing old.  You wish there was more of him.

Piranha 3DD is a sham. It’s so bad it’s awful. Solely made to cash in a few fringe benefits over its predecessor, this film will probably lose out on its original audience too. You know it’s a catastrophe when even boobs and sex can’t salvage a film.